Food Review....Thing!

Nadia:  So! Agents, we’re back with another Food blog...thing. You know, we really should have a name for this series? If anyone has any ideas, drop us a line, k?

But, yeah, as you know, we were at Birmingham Last Weekend. Last time, we spoke about how well the con went. This time, we’re talking about how well the food went, and, apart from three places, I’m not gonna lie, but I tip my hat to to you Birmingham! You have some damn good food.

Tara: I’ll admit, I enjoyed everywhere we went, honestly. Though, admittedly, I think the joint least fave of the trip was probably the one we tried only for the fact that it was a gimmick type place. Interesting, but….well, we’ll cover that soon enough. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, right? ;P

Nadia: Fuck it, let’s start with it! We went there first after all. Yo mother fcking Sushi!

Tara: Or ‘Yo Sushi’, to the rest of us.

Nadia: Listen. I’m not at not against gimmicks, JUST as long as the food is slaying my pallet. And… well… no, it didn't. It didn't deliver on those four to five start rating it had online. Now it could just be because I chose the cheaper side this time, but, still, if you’re rated four to five stars, I expect even your simplest and cheaper stuff to taste pretty good ‘n’ it just didn't. Not to mention they fucked up our bill! Seriously, if I wasn’t hungry, I wouldn't have ate there. We’ve had better at Miso (a Japanese restaurant back in Stoke) -  at least they put love into each dish! Also, if they put as much time into their food as they do socialising and singing bad renditions of Justin Bieber’s ‘Love Yourself’, then maybe, just maybe, they would have half decent food. Waist of my £29 I’m never going to get back. One star in my book!!!! +.+

Tara: So, if you have never been to Yo Sushi before, the ‘Gimmick’ is that the food goes around a conveyor belt. You sit around the outside and pick the plates of food up as it goes passed. The plates are different coloured and the colours correspond with how much the dish is.

Now, pretty cool in theory, but….well….a few problems, at least in my opinion. Like Nadia said, it’s waaaaay too easy to end up with a huge bill for very little. But one of the things I definitely noticed was the hot foods….uh….didn’t stay hot. I guess you just don’t know how long they were circling the conveyor. Cause I had something that was almost cold at one point, and it’s not like you can put it back. And then, of course, they messed up the bill when we asked for it to be split. I thought it sounded a bit odd when they told us what we needed to pay at the til. Guess it’s a good job I’m a paranoid bastard and decided to check the receipt, right? Either way, concept was interesting, but the delivery was decidedly ‘Meh’.

Nadia: Seriously, if you want to try it out for yourself, at least for the gimmick side. But in my opinion, I would say:

Final verdict SKIP IT!!!

Tara: The next place was less a food place, and more a place that sold Bubble Tea. Now, you know us at this point - we love Bubble Tea, and to see a stall that sold it right outside Yo Sushi, we, of course, wanted to try it. The place, called Mee-Cha….well, out of all the Bubble Tea’s we have had….wasn’t really the best. I had a Rose Bubble Tea which was….ok. Not brilliant, but I could drink it fine. It’s entirely possible I was lucky, though, as Nadia’s was….less satisfactory.

Nadia: HA! Oh god, listen, their bubble tea game was weaker than tumps edge’s!

But for real, their boba was waaaaaaaaaaaaay overcooked. They’re supposed to be chewy, not mush. I’m not old, there's nothing wrong with my teeth, so why, why, why is your boba so dam over-soft? Also, how stingy are these guys? Listen bro, if you're giving me a tiny amount when I ordered a large with extra boba, I don't wanna see the regular cup’s portion. Also, how watered down is your tea? I may be black, but I’m your stereotypical ‘But I want a decent tea’.

I ordered original, by the way, so it was just a plain, slightly sweetened tea. I say ‘slightly’ loosely, as this fucker barely tasted of anything. And…. I’m not gonna lie, you know when you go to a stall and you know the staff are just doing their job for the paycheck…? Well, these bastard were doing just that. No quality control. No portion control. My cup was wet with my bastardised tea. Come on, boys, you’re of East Asian descent, you should know how to brew a good cup of TEA! And, seriously, their rush-it-out attitude showed in the final product! Negative 1 stars from me!

Final verdict: SKIP IT!!!

Tara: Other than one more place, which we’ll get to eventually, the rest of the places we went to were actually pretty damned good! So, now the majority of the negative is out of the way...the next place we went to was Jimmy Spices World Buffet.

Nadia: OK, so you know I’m a big girl that loves my food and buffets are my second favorite places to go. So, this place, Jimmy’s World Spices - their ratings may be 3.7 but I'm gonna give there drink a 5/5! It was amazing! The ‘Mudslide’ cocktail was on point! If you don't know what that is its: Baileys, Tia Maria & Russian Standard Vodka over Crushed Ice. It was heaven in my mouth! OMG, I should have bought a second one! *Still thinking about it!*

Tara: I probably should have tried it, too. I’ll admit that I’m not a coffee fan, so Tia Maria, one of the components of it, isn’t really a fave of mine, but it did look pretty good. I went with a Mojito, which was…..uh...well I think it was either a bit too strong or had too many mint leaves in it, or both, cause it only really tasted alright towards the end. But otherwise it was ok. I’m no critic when it comes to alcohol, though, as I don’t drink that often.

Drinks aside (before we lose Nadia to her daydreams of Mud Slides), we went there more for the food, and it was a very nice change from the earlier disappointments. I really enjoyed the food they had available. I especially like the stir-fry that they would make right in front of you with what you wanted mixed together, cooking it all fresh. If I hadn’t already had several plates of other things beforehand (and thus close to full) I totally would have gone back for more of that Stirfry!

Nadia: I did point it out to you before :P It's my favorite part of the Jimmy’s down here too. The rest of the food…. Well, its ok at best, slightly mediocre at worst. Have I had better buffet? Yes. But for the price tag and what it is, it deserves a try.

Verdict: 3 out of 5, try it ‘n’ see what you think.

Tara: So, as you guys know, we were at the convention for the majority of the next day, but we did go out for food afterwards. The restaurant we went to that time was Mount Fuji, a Japanese style restaurant - yes yes, we know, we like to go to east asian food places. We are not ashamed :D

So, yes, unlike Yo Sushi’s conveyor belt system, this is more the traditional sit and order kind of restaurant. Honestly, the food there was really nice! And it didn’t need a gimmick to sell me over. It reminded me a little of Miso in that you could tell the chef’s cared about how their food turned out, and it definitely showed. Actually, it was probably better than Miso. I know I certainly finished everything I ordered, even if they did misunderstand once when we ordered the same thing and only brought one person’s order. But they did correct it pretty quickly and the wait was worth it.

Nadia: Seriously, no complaints from me!

Tara: That certainly has to tell you something! Lol

Nadia: Oi! Well, I do have one… I didn't have room for dessert! lol. The food was amazing! Definitely beat Miso. And, to be honest, I didn't think it was possible ‘coz that place’s food is a solid five stars. But the thing that won me over was their sushi platter. Those caviar hand rolls… Oh My God, when we go back next time, I don't know about you, Tara, but I'm making a Beeline for there!

Tara: No complaints from me!

Final Verdict: You'd be mad to miss it!

Tara: Well, this one we’re covering now was out last place of complaint. It wasn’t exactly a restaurant in the truest sense of the word, but rather it was about the cooked breakfast that we had at the Hotel we were staying at. To get it, we had to pay a bit extra (continental breakfast was otherwise included), and honestly….well….I’ll hand it over to Nadia, she is far more….uh….eloquent in terms of the description of what we actually got.

Nadia: *Takes a deep breath* ….. Paragon Hotel… I’ma say this once and only once: FUCKIN’ FIRE YOUR KITCHEN STAFF! The fuck! Stale, yet oily fried bread. Are you kidding me!!!!! My sunny side up eggs that I ordered runny looked like plastic and was cooked all the way though! The beans looked dry and you could tell were on the cheaper end. The tomatoes looked and tasted like they were on their last legs. The mushrooms were dead, anorexic and barely there. Hands down the worst English breakfast I’ve ever had in my life!

And don't get me started on the continental breakfast! Listen closely! The croissants were stale as fuck, not even my piss water excuse for a cheap knock off Cadbury's hot chocolate mess cup of cocoa could moisten this bitch up!  The toast machine looked like it was from the dark ages made noises and disturbed me from both my meal and my thoughts. Listen, a toaster costs less than £15 from Argos….. Get one! Also, what restaurant doesn't have strawberry jam?!?!?!?! Marmalade and butter, that's all that was there! The fuck? Are you well? If you going to have a breakfast service advertise this... this...MESS, then at least have the fucking basics! I’m sorry, I’m still not over that oily as fuck toast. Who-who-who thought of that?! Who said that was ok?! Are you trying to give people high cholesterol?! Do you want to kill us?!

Like, I know that your hotel looks like the setting for a horror movie, but please, my friend, I don't want to join the ranks of the dead yet! Please, for your sake and mine, sort that shit out!

Tara: *Pulls out earbuds* Um….yeah….I don’t think I need to add more to that. I shall let the poor dead horse not get any more beatings. Long story short? Probably best not to have the cooked breakfast. Or the breakfast in general.

Nadia: I want my damn money back, that's what I want.

Final verdict to their negative 10 stare ass……: Run, brother! Fucker run away from this bull shit!

Tara: Ahem….Well, that aside, we went to better places! So, for our last two places, the first of them was Edd’s Dinner, which we found in Selfridges in Birmingham’s Bullring. It was set up to look like a traditional american dinner, as the name might suggest. True, when we got there, they were out of several things, like milkshakes and hotdog buns, amongst other things, they at least gave a warning first before seating us, so, if we weren’t happy about the missing selections we knew before ordering. I thought it was pretty courteous of them, considering how annoying and/or awkward it could have been to be expecting something, only to be told after your sat down and settled it’s not there.

Despite this, the food itself was pretty good, especially the waffles we had. I loooooved those! Shame they didn’t have the milkshakes in as I would have loved to try them, but the waffles certainly made up for it to me!

Nadia: The Food, I'm going to have to agree on that, the rest…. As someone who used to be addicted to the damn things, I was disappointed, especially after the mains were so good. Mine were a little too dry and crispy for my liking, and I'm not sure, are the blueberries on a shortage or something? Coz I literally had, like, five of them. When I think of American food, I think of generous portions… and that, my friend, wasn't. Even the mains were a bit tight on portions. As good as it was, I just expected more.

Final verdict and solid 3.7: try it if you there… but you not missing much if you don't.

Tara: And lastly was Cafe Soya. Now, I would recommend this place for two fold reasons. First, the food. Second, the Bubble Tea! (because that is very important! lol) But yes, I really enjoyed this place and, if we’re not attached to Mount Fuji by the hip, I’m pretty sure we’d end up here the next time we come to Birmingham. All I can say is Yum! And that we ended up taking out bubble tea with us, too. Lol. I mean, seriously, one was not enough!

Nadia: Now, I’m only gonna talk about the food here - the innocent review from Tara there should be enough! No complaints and it was a super fast turn out. The bubble tea was what I expected when I order bubble tea. Nicely brewed tea, not too much ice, a generous portion of boba that leaves you wanting more, lovely and chewy. Perfect, just perfect. We will definitely come again and if you're in the area, definitely try them out before you go to Mt Fuji’s restaurant. Both won't disappoint, but Mt Fuji beat them by a hair.

And, for its price, it's definitely worth it.

Final verdict: 4.5 out of 5: You’ll definitely be a repeat customer.  I know I will be!

Nadia: Anyways, that's all for this time. If you're from Birmingham, or just know any good places in the area, drop us a line and suggest it! We’ll give it a review when we return. And we will be back!

Tara: Not to sound like the terminator or anything ;P

Nadia: *Raises brow* You just had to go there, didn't you?

Tara: Yuuuup! :D

Nadia: *Shakes head* Anyway! Shall we end this one here?

Tara: Indeedy! So, our reviews done for now...

Both: ‘Til next time, Agents!