Written Memories Pt 9

Dear Diary,

It has come to my attention, yet again, that those who call themselves my ‘fans’, despite their divine nature, are complete idiots as well as annoying. It is all well and good to say that they like me, however, could that truly be the case when they are so utterly unobservant? Not only to the things that I happen to like, but also to their very surroundings? In their haste to stalk me through the temple, they even endangered the life of one of the fae connected to the local plant life. Had I not been able to get to the poor thing in time, and had my powers not been so heavily tied to growth, even if it’s more related to rice paddies than flowers, then that fae may have even died.

Are we not gods? Then why is it that the lives of others seems to be so small to them? It is something that I could never understand. I’m told, though, that this might be due to my connections to life. But to me, I feel it is purely common sense. After all, I’ve met gods connected to Death that are far more considerate. As such, I can only conclude that those who name themselves my fans must have, somewhere along the line, sacrificed good sense for the ability to track me down no matter how hard I try. It’s the only logical explanation.

In other news, however, since the day I saved that Fairy, Rozyus has been acting rather strangely. I’m not sure if it is connected to that incident, or if it is because my time has been so tied up since Hero training truly began, but Rozyus has been comparing himself to other goddesses. Normally I wouldn’t say this is too odd - many do the same. In fact I have done the same at times during days I have favoured the female body. However, it isn’t a petty matter, I feel. I worry that he might take it a bit too far, or gain a complex of some kind. I suppose I can understand his feelings, considering how he often expresses his discontent with his form, but honestly, I prefer him over any other goddess. Though lately even though he is the only one I compliment, he doesn’t seem to believe me.

I wonder if a part of him is angry at me due to my stolen time, or because of the harlots that chase me. I sometimes wonder if he does not trust me, or feels my words are mere lip service….Still, I hope to remedy this. Though it might be difficult to keep up with my duties for a while, I want him to understand that I am here for him, all he needed to do is ask. I want him to trust in me, the way I trust in him.

We’re meeting up tonight. I hope the gods of fortune today are in my favour.

*The day had started out pleasantly enough that it seemed Inari’s wish might have come to pass. The weather was pleasant for an autumn day, the trees filled with warm reds and golds dancing in a gentle breeze, any cooler bite soothed by the bright sun and clear skies. Hoping to keep the trend for the day, Inari had been sure to place the orders they needed with the kitchen staff earlier on in the day, so that their work would not prevent them from being able to present the food for their dinner as promised.

Work itself had gone well and they had made sure to be extra diligent so there wouldn’t be any loose ends that might disturb them while the two ate together, while anything less important was scheduled for the next day, leaving the entire evening free to spend time with Rozyus. All was going to plan.

Of course, if anyone attempted to disrupt this and it wasn’t for a life or death situation, they would make sure to curse them enough that the anger of a nine tailed nogitsune would look like child’s play.

The area they had selected was one that the fairy they had helped after it had nearly been trampled had shown them, insisting that it was something that Rozyus would like, due to their own connections. It was out of the way of where other gods might tread, shaded from the wind, but with a good view of the gardens. Inari particularly liked the rodessa flowers that bloomed close by - it felt like there was a connection there. Perhaps Rozyus might get the subliminal message of them enjoying to look at him, too, should the boy point it out. Though for all of his intelligence, Rozyus could be remarkably blind in some ways.

Still, Inari was not going to give up. As such, they settled themselves at the base of the free, fobes flowing around them and basket prepared, waiting in quiet meditation, enjoying the evening sunlight as they waited for the other to finally join them*

*There was a faint sound of clicking heels, as twilight set it.*

Rozyus: I-I’m sorry I’m late… I had to check on the children and….. Oh wow…. Its beautiful…

*The view was simply breathtaking the boy thought, the scenery really did come to life the closer darkness approached.*

Inari: Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it, that I would match the scenery to…

*Absently, they trail off as they finally get a good look at the boy. The boy was draped head to toe in fine silk and jewels, a motif similar to that of his name sake. His hair seemed to echo the design with floral combs and pins and, even though the thick mane that so plagued the boy months past had all but disappeared, he was now adorned with a thicker tail than what the god was used to. The godly hue of his eyes was barely visible now, and it both enticed and concerned the young god.*

Inari:...*Ahem* Match the scenery to that whom I’m meeting, wouldn’t you say?

Inari [Inner Thoughts]: I wish that I knew what it means, the changes that Rozyus and his kin must go through. Should I be worried? Is it normal? Although, if I were to bring it up with him feeling as insecure as he is lately, he might not appreciate it. I’ll need to be subtle if I don’t want him to feel I’m pushing him….

Inari: Well then, the guest of honour has arrived. Sit with me. I believe you fit in well with the rest of the flowers. Ah, if only I had artistic talents. I would paint a picture of you here to immortalise the memory.

Rozyus: .... I see you STILL have yet to get your eyes examined Oh ‘great deity’

*Weak chuckle before continuing in a quiet voice*

Besides, only beauties should be painted other beauties, don't you agree? A celandine has no right to stand with regal flowers such as these. A celandine should know its place like the weed it is. No matter how hard it tries, a celandine will always be a celandine.

Inari: Ah, so you mean I’m not worthy to paint your beauty then? Because, you see, I went mysteriously deaf through most of that put down, I only heard that a beauty should paint other beauties. You’re so cruel. *Fake crying*

Rozyus: *Flat Look* Shall I assist you to the medic? They might fix your sight as well as your hearing, dear.

Inari: Nope! You just need to accept me as I am. And what I am, is someone who values you. And you can say you don’t have value or are trash as much as you like. After all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. If you don’t value yourself, it doesn’t mean that I don’t see you as the most valuable person in existence. You should just give up trying to convince me otherwise.

Rozyus: *Eyes downcast and sighs* Yeah…you might be…. The only one…. But still.

Inari: Well then, if that is the case, then as the one that values you more than anything in this world…

*Gently, they shift a little closer, placing a hand over his, shifting their head so they could see their face, so that he could see their sincerity*

Inari: Could you tell me what it is that tortures you so? You’re very dear to me, Rozyus. I want to do what I can for you.

*Flustered by the sudden closeness and the sincerity, Rozyus slid back into one of the chairs, taking a sip of one of the beverages set at the table, adorned with the finest food the temple’s chefs could muster.*

Rozyus: I-It's nothing worth discussing… many things, nothing, a lot of tedious thing all at once. Its overwhelming but I’ll manage…. Somehow.

Inari: Ah ah ah, what did we say about worth? If it is bothering you, then it is worth something.

*Biting their lip, they glance away*

Inari: Or is it that…..you…..don’t trust me…? To help you…

Rozyus: NO! That's not it!!!!

*The boy stood up from his seat with such force that, the veil covering their face had now fallen to the ground. Revealing a more refined beauty underneath, it had been quite a few months since the young god had seen their companions ‘bare’ face that was hidden under the veil. It seemed different from his aging spell that made the boy a similar age to the young god. It was far more angelic that that.

The boys features seem to twist as he reached for the veil, tears threatening to overflow, the young god cupped the boy's cheeks wiping away the tears as they spoke. As much as Inari wanted to bring attention to how much they appreciated the physical change, that was less important than the hurt that seemed to be rooted in his core*

Inari: I trust you. And I’ll always care for you, no matter what the circumstances are. I just want to be able to take away those tears. I always seem to fall short of the mark. Will you let me help you?

Rozyus: ….G-gods, you're too smooth for you own good, you know that? *Sniff sniff*

No wonder…. No wonder your fan club is as rampant as it is. *Holds Inari’s hand.*

Inari: Ah, those. *Lips twisted in distaste* I have been considering walking into a deep, fast running river. Think they would follow me in like lemmings and get swept downstream?

Rozyus: *Laughing through tears* You… you know, you're kind of evil, right? Hahaha! You can’t do that.

Inari: *Innocent head tilt* Why not? They’re the ones that don’t pay attention to important things. I have no say in if they’re dumb enough to follow without looking. I believe it is only natural selection taking place. The godly gene pool needs an overhaul. Too much inbreeding.

Rozyus: Pft! Ahaahahaha!

*The boys tears stopped as he laughed*

Rozyus: S-so silly! Shall we eat? I’ll explain over dinner.

Inari: Of course. I made sure to get the very best. After all, good food, good drink and good company certainly helps.

*The pair had almost finished their feast and the desserts were being served Inari questioned once more what was bothering their companion.*

Inari: So, delaying tactics aside…

will you speak to me? I want to help take away whatever was bringing you such pain.

Rozyus: *Elegantly placing down the desert fork.* I don't think I can express everything quite yet, but a certain courtship ritual will begin soon, and as of late I’ve been swept away by the amount of scooters and gifts they been thrusting my way.

*Feeling as if someone had decided in that very moment to smack them over the head, Inari had to take a moment to relearn how to breath, since they were unlucky enough in that same moment to have been eating mochi and swallowed the wrong way. After narrowly avoiding an early demise through choking, Inari managed to pull themselves together somewhat*

Inari: C-courtship rituals? I….um….admittedly hadn’t realised that was the time of year. It….uh….certainly explains why I felt as though I’ve been stalked by hungry vultures for the last week or so.

Rozyus: *Chuckle* No, I believe that is obsessive fan girls, dear. But seriously, most of the boys are too pushy, or they’re just being forced to by their parents to get close to father to gain power. Then... there are some who are genuinely nice, but, again, I-

Inari: Ah….so…..then….there’s…..you have a preference of someone already, I assume? Or at least….it seems to be the case.

Rozyus: *BLUSH* N-no... well, yes! But it's not like they could possibly feel the same…. I mean, we’re from two different worlds, after all. They’re near perfection and then…. I’m me. ‘I don't have the right to stand by them, a pure-blood and a weed’. That all… I’m prepared for heartbreak, so it's only a matter of time.

Inari: Ah, well….If they don’t value you, then they have no business messing with your heart. After all, you are a treasure and should be treated as such, even if said treasure insists on calling themselves a weed. You most certainly are not a weed, otherwise your entire namesake is a weed. But, if it is, I’d much rather see a wild rozyus than a plastic rose.

Rozyus: ...Thank you… *small smile*

*The two finished their desserts and decide to walk around the temple gardens while gazing up at the stars, it was an exceptionally lovely night. The moon shone brighter that night illuminating the ground with its radiant glow. Both were in their own thoughts as they stopped by a bench near a large pond.*

Dear Diary,

It would seem that I have finally discovered what has been on Rozyus’ mind recently. It appears that there has been a type of courtship ritual that has been occurring and Rozyus has been dealing with suitors. While I of course believe that it shows there are people with actual taste around who can put aside prejudices, the entire thing….bothers me. There are still those that Rozyus dislikes, and I would be more than happy to help chase off those who come to him with impure intentions or wish only to use him due to being the son of a powerful clan leader, there is the fact there is someone that Rozyus confided in me is someone who has captured his heart.

How could one put into words the feeling that one’s heart has been shredded without being touched? A part of me wishes to know who this person is to tears them down and make them disappear, but that is selfish of me. Rozyus loves this person. I can see it in his eyes, when he spoke of him. I could never be the one to hurt him by taking this person out of the picture, no matter how much I want to. His happiness is more important. No, rather, he deserves happiness that had been stolen from him for so long.

Still, this leaves me at a dilemma: What should I do here? What I do know is that I will continue to support him. But I also know that I will continue to love him regardless. As such, in whatever capacity I am needed, in whatever way I can still claim on his heart, I will continue to lead him to happiness.

Rozyus: ....It’s a beautiful moon out tonight…. Don't you think?

Inari: Ah yes. It’s called the Harvest Moon. I like it myself. Then again, it could just be my link to agriculture coming through. I’m not sure why it is that Tsukuyomi decided to play with the moon’s colour like that. Or perhaps the other moon gods got into a play fight with paint and the moon rabbit ran off with the brush.

Rozyus: Pft! You’re such a dork, you know that? Hahaaha.

*The boy skipped across a few of the ponds stepping stones, as he had done so many times before. He seemed to know this part of the temple well.*

Rozyus: Will you accompany me? I wish you show you something.

Inari: Of course. I’d follow you anywhere. Except into a fast moving river, of course.

Rozyus: Come, my little lemming. I’ll show you way into a land of enchantment. It's my secret garden.

Inari: Ah, now I should be worried. I may never see the light of day again. The moon is my only witness! Moon Rabbit, keep an eye on things up there! *Offers a cheeky wink to Rozyus*

Rozyus: *Blush* Don't worry, I’ll only spirit you away for the evening. I’ll return you to the light one day brakes and then I’ll return to my world of darkness once more.

Inari: Ah, but nothing can be dark if you’re there. You’re the light of my life, after all.

Rozyus: *Chuckle*Jeez, someone save me from this silver tongued ‘fox’.

Inari: Ah, but it’s only silver for you. Although one would rather hope it would be gold to reflect my heart. After all, I speak only what it believes it true.

Rozyus: …. Please  refer to my last statement.

Both: …. Hahahahah……

*It seemed like a good hour before they arrived at the location the boy had spoken of. A large wisteria stood before them, surrounded by acres upon acres of open field and flora everywhere.*

Rozyus: Well, what do you think?

Inari: It’s a marvel...I don’t think I’ve been this way before. It looks like it’s never been touched by a person before. I feel worried I’ll taint it with footsteps should I not step with care. It’s rare to see a place like this.

Rozyus: I…. I wanted to share to share this place with the one I loved. Some who could love me for me…. I don't know if that will happen but, I should at least give it a try right… right?

*For a moment, Inari stopped breathing as they realised what the other was saying. Swallowing, Inari turned to Rozyus, a deity’s subtly glowing eyes the only other light than the moon’s lustre as they searched his face for any indication that what they believed was happening was a figment of their imagination, but they saw only a nervous sincerity in the boy’s gaze*

Inari: Of course. You…..you only know if you try. Ah….correct me if I’m wrong, please, but I…

*After a moment of hesitation, Inari stepped closer, tentatively taking one of the boy’s hands in their own*

Inari: I’m….hoping that I did not fall asleep after we ate together. I will be very upset if this is a dream right now.

Rozyus: STUPID! You're ruining the moment, dumbass!!! *Pout* I’m mustering up all my courage here!!! *Stammer* I-I know were from two different pedigrees, and I know… ‘I'm not fit to stand by you’, but… I!

*The boy looked down for a moment, trying to find the right word, but ultimately the words stayed buried in his thought. Eyes downcast as doubt set in again.*

Rozyus: *Barely audible voice, and creased brow* Why is this so hard…? Maybe I should stop now, before it's too late… No, I should stop. Its… its for the best.

Inari: Then, so long as I won't ‘ruin the mood’ more, may I continue?

*Bringing the hand that they had clasped earlier up to their lips, they kissed the back of it gently, keeping their eyes on Rozyus’ own*

Inari: Blood does not matter to me. I treasure you above all else. With that in mind, why would I feel ashamed to know that the one I hold most value in is the one who wants to stay at my side forever? Because I see no other more worthy to hold that place than you.

Rozyus: *Tears filled eyes* R-really? My love won't be a burden to you? I was so scared, ready for rejection but… I'm sorry I can't stop crying what do I do ‘Nari?

Inari: Not all tears are tears of pain

*With a free hand, they brush the tears gently from the other’s cheeks, a warm, honest smile blossoming over their face*

Inari: As for your love ‘being a burden’, well, I can think of nothing more beautiful than a desired love being returned just as strongly. As for what to do….just stay with me.

*The boy snuggled into the young god’s embrace, smiling fondly though their tears that seemed endless. They both sunk into the cushioned earth. They held each other for some time, as the glittering light of the stars danced above them. It seemed almost natural as the two bodied pulled closer, their lips parting for their first kiss as lovers, it was sweet, and a little bitter. Like the start of a lovers balled.*

Dear Diary,

I know that it hasn’t been long since my last entry. However, when a large enough moment has occurred, it makes sense to mention it. It would seem my previous worries were for naught. While there was someone that Rozyus had in mind, the person it was had, in fact, been myself. Quite ironic that I had almost been willing to step aside for myself. How strange it is that I had been jealous of me. I’m quite sure, had Mother been watching, she would have found it rather funny. They do say that Fate can be fickle, after all, and Mother is the goddess of that force.

Rozyus is sleeping now, by my side. I don’t believe I have seen him so peaceful. I feel almost honoured that such an expression is because of me. Is it possible to fall in love a second time from seeing such a face on the one you love?

Ah, of course, I do know that it is the release of such feelings that make me wish to write the most epic of poetries to explain my feelings at this moment, but unfortunately, I am not a shallow minded person, and despite my age, I am a realist. I know that our road will not be a smooth one. There will be many people who will not be pleased. There are the many suitors that hope for his hand, there are those that dog my every step, there is, of course, the clan matters on Teacher’s side that might be sent into confusion because I am a god. There will be many, for many reasons, who will oppose us.

However, I know that in my heart, I am selfish. I find myself uncaring of others feelings. The only one who’s desires I particularly care for are Rozyus, and I already know how many others have trampled upon his fragile heart before. As such, I am determined not to falter. No matter the obstacles, no matter the trials, I will not stray from this path. That, I solemnly vow.

[END]