I Miss You

Rodessa pressed against the mattress, both heedless to it as Huxian focused his everything to give her all the attention he could muster, urged on by her equally eager responses.

Rodessa: *Half lidded eyes* Ah...if only you were like this in real life...not just in my dreams…

Huxian: Like this? In what way?

Rodessa: You know...passionate with me. When we’re like this...it’s almost like you’re my lover. It’s not like when I’m awake and we’re together. Not that you’re not charming in your own way, it’s just...well, it would be nice to imagine it...This wall you’ve built up, it’s thin...but I know I’ll never break it.

*Her eyes slid away from his, yet even as she avoided his eyes, he could still see her expression - sad, melancholic, A weight resting on her shoulders, the same way it did every time the topic would arise. Her voice was low, soft, as if the power it usually carried had been sapped away, leaving only a whisper*

Rodessa: As soon as I try...you seem to create another thicker wall that I could never hope to penetrate. I know what we have in the real world...Passing glances...flirty nature...my fruitless attempts to bind you to me...only to fail. Haha...foolish, right? At the end of the day, it’s all platonic...and it will never change, no matter how hard I try...and yet…

*Her eyes darkened, as if all the light within them had faded. It was only a moment, brief before she seemed to catch herself, but even that glimpse twisted his heart*

Rodessa: And yet I foolishly cling to hope. Juvenile, right? *Weak chuckle*

Huxian: Roza, I...It’s not juvenile. There are...there are some reasons why those walls are there, but even the greatest walls aren’t infallible. And I...those walls were never meant to keep you out. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I...I’m actually not very good at realising what’s good for me. Too busy being blinded by my own issues, when I should see what is really there.

*Even as he said this, however, he could tell by the expression on her face, the cynical look in her eyes, that she didn’t believe him. After all, she believed this only to be a figment of her subconsciousness, not something real and tangible. Biting his lip, he lowered his gaze. There wasn’t really anything he could say that could convince her that this wasn’t a dream, because even if it was real, this is what this place was, a strange dreamscape shared by them both. To say otherwise would be a lie.

He couldn’t lie to her here. He lied enough that his heart bled from it. At least here, he should tell her the truth*

Huxian: ...At least we have our dreams…for now…

*Even he knew it was weak as an excuse. It seemed that it sounded as weak to Rodessa as well. Her lips twisted in a derisive smile, a scoff on her lips*

Rodesa: Ha...How long can I live in dreams…? It’s far too pitiful, don't you think?

*She wasn’t wrong, but even so, she wasn’t right either, considering that no matter how much this was a dream it was still real. But, just like he had felt when his soul had been thrust through time, when the Rodessa there had been drifting away, it hurt, deep inside, seeing the Rodessa of now just as forlorn.

He could only hope that he could once again change what his path had started.

Carefully, he reached over, extending his fingers to brush under her chin, lightly turning the girl’s head back in his direction. He needed to see her eyes, to gain a true grasp on her resolution or lack thereof. He needed her to see his own*

Huxian: Tell me. Have you...given up on the idea of us?

Rodessa: *Bitterly* Weren’t you listening? But I am close to giving up trying. Just having you near…Well...I say that. You’re not physically here...you’re back home now, aren’t you? *Sigh* Even so, having you close to me...hearing your voice...I know it’s all I’ll ever have, so I’ll deal with that. As much as I wish it, I won’t bother asking for more. That wish won’t come true, after all.

*The hopelessness in her tone, the words, all felt like nails pressing into his chest. He could see it in her eyes, the depths of her loneliness. And he had never given her a different impression. Looking back on how things had been, what she knew of ‘them’...there time together seemed as if it was suspended in limbo. As a result of his fears, trauma old and new, he had built walls around his heart, leaving her only the faint glint of hope to cling to, a glint that would burn out sooner or later.

He could hear the words of another girl in an almost long forgotten memory*

‘I think above all, you left her feeling lonely- Would you give up on me so easily?- Sad as it may be, my world seems to revolve around a certain fox.’

*Sorrow rising within him, he slid his fingers away from her chin, gently cupping her cheek*

Huxian: I’m sorry...I’ve left you alone for so long…

Rodessa: Don’t worry about it...I shouldn’t have brought it up. This is a dream and we should only think of happy thoughts in a dream, right?

*No matter how bitterly optimistic she tried to sound, the words fell short. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than him*

Rodessa: Besides, I shouldn’t forget what I am: A tool with a conscience. I kill whom I’m contracted to. I spy on those who are targeted.  We take our pleasures when we can, get payed and move on. That is the way of the Assassin’s Heart, right?

*Hearing how she referred to herself made his hackles rise, no matter how hidden from view they were. Determined, he met her gaze*

Huxian: You are not a tool.

*It was like water of a duck’s back, for all the effect it had*

Rodessa: I am. Let’s drop this. I just want to be here with you right now. I can’t experience it in the real world, so at least let me while I sleep. Let me have you, hold you in my dreams...Please, Hue, let me have this…

*Her eyes stung, glistening with tears. Unable to refuse such a request - why would he want to when her pain made his chest ache? - Huxian pulled her close, cradling her in his arms as she buried her face in his chest. Even so, he couldn’t just let her continue to feel such dejection. Not like this. Even if he couldn’t prevent her from thinking of this as not real, he could at least try to save her heart, even if only a little bit. After all, no matter how good the reasons for doing so, this was his fault.*

Huxian: No, Roza. No matter what you say, you are no tool. After all, a tool has no feelings, no will of its own.

*He looked down his chest, carefully cupping her chin to look up at him once more, holding her shimmering watery gaze*

Huxian: And if you were a tool...I wouldn’t be able to do this.

*He leaned down, capturing her lips with his. If his words couldn’t convince her, then he would let his own actions back up his talk. It wasn’t harsh rushed passion, but rather slow, sensual, yet filled with his feelings. He put in his sorrow for her thoughts, his affection for her, his care for the girl he once knew and the one she had become, his remorse for having hurt her, his desire to change that pain, and, above all, his love.

Her fingers clutched at his shirt, breathing labored as she sank into the kiss, trying to hold back the soft moans that tried to escape her throat.

Rodessa: *Panting* H-hue? I.. Mmn~

*He didn’t allow for her to make an attempt at trying to convince him otherwise. He would never let her convince him that she was worth any less than he was. He wouldn’t allow any of his old doubts and fears get the better of him, not when there was still hope for them, not when there was still a spark between them. Because even if the travels through time had been confusing and disorientating, he would not, could not forget what Rodessa meant to him.

He kissed her again, holding her to him as if she were the most precious thing in the world, one of his hands reaching up to thread through her hair, twisting into the luscious locks as he kissed her softly, again and again, her lips, her cheeks, her nose, her lips once again. Finally, he pulled her closer, nuzzling his cheek against hers as he brushed his lips against her ears*

Huxian: I know you likely don’t believe what I say. You’re stubborn and willful, and it’s that spirit of yours that I would never allow to be taken away, even if it is that same stubbornness that refuses to let you listen. For some reason, even though we both have an Assassin’s Heart, you only ever call yourself a tool. But you don’t seem to understand that we are the same. So...if you can’t bring yourself to believe that you are more than a tool, then I will meet you at the level you place yourself. If you are a tool, then we are both tools. That is to say, tools of fate.

*He kissed her ear, before pulling back a little so he could stare into her eyes, so she could see his conviction. Taking her hand, he cupped his over the back of it, moving it so her palm was resting over his chest, over his heart, so that she could feel that there was not a single lie in what he had to say*

Huxian: As tools of fate, the road is not an easy one that we must walk. It is not smooth. There will be trials. There will be obstacles. But guided by the hand of fate, our road is not a seperate one. Our destination is one that we will meet at together. And through those trials, I will allow no one else to wield you and force you to a fate you would detest. And likewise, the only person I would ever allow to wield me is you. If we are to be tools, Roza, then we shall be tools together. No matter what.

*Tears began to well up in her eyes. With a free hand, she covered her face, breathing slowly, deeply, allowing the tears to flow behind her fingers. She sniffed, trying to hold back the loud sobs that wanted to crawl up through her throat. Her breath wavered, grew shallower. Oh god, she didn’t want him to see her like this! But even as she tried to pull away, he held her all the tighter in that same gentle yet strong embrace, until finally she cried out*

Rodessa: Dammit, Hue! Dammit, dammit, dammit!!! Why?! Why does this have to be a dream?! Such a cruel dream! Why does it have to be this?! I’ll just start wishing for more all over again and I-!

Huxian: -Can wish for more. You can wish for more, if you want to. In fact...When you wake, ask me once again. It...might not be the answer you want, not yet, but...it will be a start. Of that, I can promise you.

Rodessa: And why? What would be the point? This is a dream, Hue. We’re not...we’re not really having this conversation, after all. You won’t even remem-

Huxian: Something has changed, Roza. Something important. Something within me - the real me, not just in this dream. Maybe that’s why I’m here now. All I know is that, when you wake up, I, the me in the waking world, will have sent you a message...something that I should have sent you a long time ago...something that I regret being too cowardly to say back then. Please...With everything I’ve said to you now, and everything I will say to you...keep that in mind.

Rodessa: What is it?

*His lips quirked into a smile as he cupped his hands to her face, tilting it up to him as he stroked his thumbs over her damp cheeks, meeting her lips with his own in a sensual caress, long and lingering. As he finally pulled away, her eyes, dry of tears but shimmering with emotion, held his gaze. Gently, he bumped his forehead against hers, feeling the warmth of her skin pressed against his as they stared into each others’ heavy lidded eyes*

Huxian: That is something you must awaken from this dream to find out. But until then, you yourself said that in dreams one must think of happy things, did you not?

*He crawled closer, eyes fixed together even as he eased her back slowly against the bed into the plush pillows*

Huxian: If that is the case, then I should not allow you to wake until I take away those thoughts of pain and hopelessness.

*He leaned down, kissing her once more, slowly moving lower, leaving sensual kisses along her jaw, her neck, speaking between each lingering caress of lips against her skin*

Huxian: Every doubt. Every tear. Every lingering sorrow. I will worship every little bit of you until you forget what those words even mean, so that all you will know is the touch of my skin, the whisper of breath, the sound of my voice, the feel of my affection and the depths of my love. I’ll make sure that this is a ‘dream’ you will never ever forget.

*Already he could hear her breathing heavy, shaking with desire. He could feel her squirm a little under him, clinging onto him as her chest hitched with every kiss and every word spoken like a prayer. He nuzzled against the crook of her neck, an abstract plan half forming in his mind. Even now, he doubted she believed that what he said would be true once she opened her eyes to the real world once more. However, he wanted to keep his word to erase her doubts. He never said that it would stop with just the moment their lovemaking had ended. He wanted it to be engraved into his mind once she was awake as well.

That in mind, he got to work, focusing all his attentions on the spoke at her neck that he knew would make her shiver with want, kissing, nibbling, licking before finally biting, not hard enough to break the skin, or to bind them forever, but enough that it would love mark written into the skin like a promise. And it would be a promise, he knew. A promise that every word he spoke within the dreamscape was true, and, more importantly, real.

Running his tongue over the mark soothingly, feeling her gasp under the attentions, Huxian smiled. With that done, he should make good with the rest of his promise. He would worship her, give affection to every part of her until she was filled with it, until she couldn’t possibly feel anything else. He would make this dream one she would never, ever forget.

---

*By the time they had finished, Rodessa felt like a puddle of contentedness in his arms, so deeply at rest that even within the dreamscape she was fast asleep, utterly exhausted, but more importantly, blissful. He couldn’t help but smile fondly at the girl curled up in his arms, kissing her gently on her forehead, listening to her content sigh as she unconsciously snuggled closer against his warmth.

Leaning his head back against the pillows, he ran his fingers through her muzzy hair, closing his eyes, a soft chuckle at his lips.

Huxian:...What a pair we make…

Voice: You can say that again. You know, fixing your romantic threads is a pain in the ass, right?

*It seemed that not only his thoughts and mind weren’t safe from godly interference, but even his dreams didn’t seem to bar them. Then again, considering the goddess in question was that of love, perhaps it made sense that there was a door open to her even here.*

Huxian: *Chuckle* My apologies…sister?

*At his question, the goddess appeared in a flurry of petals which dissipated as they floated away. Mindless to the sight, Venus sat at the edge of the bed, crossing one leg over the other as she sipped from a glass of wine held elegantly in a manicured hand.*

Venus: Mm, ‘sister’ is fine, dear. So, what is it that you want?

Huxian: If I may, I need to ask a favour or you.

Venus: *Raised eyebrow* Oh? And what, pray tell, will I be getting out of this?

Huxian: *Smirk* The satisfaction of getting to move on your favourite love story?

Venus: *Flippantly* I’d do that anyway. Come now, fluffball, at least make it worth my while.

*Smirk dropping from his face, he shook his head, letting it thump back against the headboard. He should have known that she wouldn’t help out of the good of her heart.*

Huxian: Why do I even both-

*However, a sharp snap of fingers cut him off as the goddess gasped brightly*

Venus: Oh! I got it! How about this: I’ll take over your body for one moment in time. Just one. I could even do it so you wouldn’t even realise whether the actions were my doing or your own. All you’ll know is that you’ll feel so good...with her...Wink wink!

*A cold shiver ran down his spine at the almost learning gaze. The smirk on her painted lips felt almost like a devil’s smile as she leaned a little closer on the bed*

Venus: It’s nothing too bad, is it? As a matter of fact, you’ll probably even find it quite...pleasurable. *Purring* Well? What do you say?

*If it had been any other time, Huxian was sure he would have said no, no matter how much he might end up enjoying it. The idea of his actions not truly being his own made a part of him bristle in protest. However...he wasn’t in the position to refuse her request. He needed the help of the goddess, otherwise everything he had promised would be nothing more than a lie.

A moment or two being played like a puppet for a Love goddess in a way that would be considered ‘pleasurable’ for himself and Rodessa, in a way so subtle even he wouldn’t know...it was a small price to pay if it gave Rodessa the signs she so desperately needed.*

Huxian: ...Against my better judgement...Fine. It’s a deal.

Venus: *Purring* Great.

*The fluid within the wineglass stirred, glowing slightly before it faded once again, stilling back into mundain liquid once again. As it did, the goddess’ smile widened*

Venus: Then, the contract has been sealed. Now, little brother, what is it of me that you require?

Huxian: My phone. There’s an image on there that I need you to create for me.

Venus: Oh? What are you planning?

Huxian: *Slyly* You’ll see.

*In what seemed like no time at all, the message he wished for had been created and sent. However, there was something else he noticed. The solid form of the fused bed was becoming fuzzy as the room seemed to twist into the now familiar kaleidoscope of colour. It seemed that their time was coming to an end. Sighing, he looked back to the girl in his arms, nuzzling her once more. It might be awhile before they could be together like this once again...Or maybe no time at all*

Huxian: ...Until our next dream...my love.

---

*Morning was peeking through the curtains as Rodessa’s eyes fluttered open blearily. How deeply had she been sleeping? She felt so dazed, yet strangely refreshed as she pushed herself up from the plush blankets and stretched, only to catch sight of herself in the mirror, an odd dark mark causing her to pause. Blinking, she trailed a hand up to the crook of her neck, watching her reflection do the same, tracing over what looked like a small bruise there which she was pretty sure had not been there when she fell asleep.

Though...weirdly, it...kind of matched the hazy, distorted recollections from a half remembered dream...along with words that had been spoken...something about...a message?

More on instinct than anything else, she checked her communicator, only to pause, eyes widening a little. It had been a dream, and yet, just like the dream said, there was a message on her phone waiting for her to read. Not just any message, but one from the very object of her affections that she hazilly recalled promising. Not sure if it was a happy coincidence or something else, Rodessa timidly opened the message with a trembling finger.

Almost immediately, Rodessa’s gaze was drawn to the image that was attached. It was a picture of Huxian clad in nothing but a towel laying almost artistically across a bed, holding onto the fluffy form of a small white fox that she recognised as her own Mr Fluffington who was gazing up at the camera with soulful golden eyes that were nearly a match for Huxian’s own intense, yet half lidded stare, lips curled up in a way that almost looked suggestive, though Rodessa couldn’t be sure if that was intentional or if it was simply a projection to go along with the rest of his poise.

It was almost hard to pull her eyes away from to actually read the message that had been typed along with it, but finally, finally, she was able to tear her gaze away.

She was glad that she did.

Message: Hey there. I know the long distance is hard, so I thought you might need a pick me up. It shouldn’t be too long until we meet again and, when we do, I’m going to be spoiling you rotten. Just hold on a little longer.

In the meantime, this little guy and I will be waiting! Don’t leave us hanging for too long! ^.6

Miss ya, my little rose bud.

*Warmth enveloping her chest, Rodessa could feel the helplessly affectionate smile spreading across her lips*

Rodessa: *Weak chuckle* ...Idiot.

[END]