Another Night, Another Dance

‘Stranger’: My lady, we’re out of time for tonight.

‘Beauty’: Seems so. So, the me-

‘Stanger’: I will not be delivering the letter to you this night, I’m afraid

‘Beauty’: Why? Are you not a messenger?

‘Stranger’: *Smirk* You’ll be attending all three nights of the ball, correct?

‘Beauty’: Yes, but-

‘Stranger’: Until then, my lady.

*With a new day came another dance. The evening was still young as Huxian stalked the halls. Unlike how he usually carried himself and how his presence usually drew the eye of those around him, Huxian was mostly a ghost flitting amongst the crowds, cloaking his presence in anonymity. Ironically, it seemed the inverted colour scheme he currently adopted seemed to only help with that, making him seem like any other pampered aristocrat.  

With the ace that was his conjured friend - the dragon yet again unseen by all but him - he once again managed to locate Rodessa and he couldn’t help but notice the deja vu in the situation he found her in. Yet again, she was surrounded by a rowdy crowd all vying for the extremely disinterested beauty’s attention, while she looked as though she desperately wanted to be anywhere else under the dull facade. There was something else, however, something different to the last time. There was a scent there, faint, subtle yet familiar. Too familiar. No wonder the crowds seemed even more focused than before. Unlike last time, however, the result of inaction would be dangerous. He had to move quickly.

Letting his lips settle into a smirk, he pressed forwards, slipping through the crowds, allowing the natural shifting to carry him forwards. As he stepped towards the front, Rodessa’s eyes locked onto him her lips, which had been curving slightly into a smile quickly hidden behind a fan. Elegantly, she held her hand out to him expectantly and, with a bow, he took it.

Now to get her away from her ‘rabid fans’.

Making sure to shield Rodessa from what he would do, he flared a fraction of his power, enough to cause the men to flinch - which was enough of a distraction for Huxian, presence fully locked once again, to guide her away from them. Though he could feel her hand trembling in his own, she kept her head high and steps sure as they slipped through the crowds*

Huxian [Inner Thoughts]: Good girl. Keep your composure. We’re almost there, Roza.

*She managed to keep herself together until finally they had slipped out onto the balcony. He gave her a moment, letting the lack of people and the soothing evening air help to calm her somewhat before he finally spoke, keeping his voice soft to avoid further stressing her.*

‘Stranger’: Are you alright?

‘Beauty’: I-I’m fine. It will pass.

‘Stanger’: You’re sure?

‘Beauty’: *Snap* I-I said I’m fine!

*Her breath was shaky, ragged, though whether she was expecting him to act in the same way as the men from before or because she was trying everything to keep control over the scent was anyone’s guess. Huxian hoped it was the latter rather than the former. The idea of doing something like that here and in that manner made his skin crawl. Not only would it be unworthy of both of them, but the chance of a scandal that would stain her reputation was an extremely high risk. Not to mention it would be agony to clear up later on, if they could even manage to do such a thing.

But more than that, the fact she held her hand clutched to her chest, the other gripping the railings as if it were a lifeline...he never wanted her to fear him. Or feel as if they’d both lack control. Whatever it was, she practically spat out her complaints*

‘Beauty’: Damn horny bastards! It's like walking in a cloud of aphrodisiacs… gods help me.

‘Stranger’: Well...to be fair, you are tempting with your beauty, even without the sweet scent that draws hungry men in.

*She looked up at him, her eyes practically screaming of want, even though the mask hid the rest it, no matter how much she seemed to also hate the feeling. She body trembled slightly, drawing his attention. The gown she wore fit her frame perfectly, leaving just enough for the imagination and for a hand or two to slip in- no. He shook himself mentally. No. He was far better than those dogs inside and he would not take advantage of her like that. He would keep his distance for now.

Instead, he offered her a look of sympathy, focusing more on her ragged breaths and strain-trembling limbs.

‘Stranger’: Is it that bad?

‘Beauty’: *Snap* The hell do you think!

‘Stranger’: *Chuckle* I could help, if you like?

‘Beauty’: *Quiet Pant* Not on your life! I...mng!...U-until tomorrow, I’m still an involved woman! Don’t you think- Nh Ah! Dammit, body! Calm down...calm down. Need to...Need to get a room.

‘Stranger’: As you wish.

‘Beauty’: ...huh?

*Before the girl could voice anything further, be it rebuttal or ascent, she was in the ‘stranger’s’ arms and  the scenery had changed from the balcony into an overly established room. Next she noticed herself being slowly lowered into a bed, the ‘stranger’s’ hand gently cupping her chin. Then, the gentle feel of fingers as her mask was removed, his own slowly following.*

‘Stanger’: What a wondrous sight.

‘Beauty’: ...What are you intending to do?

‘Stranger’: Nothing. Not unless you wish it, My love.

*At those words, realisation dawned, her eyes widening as she stared at the man, whose lips quirked into a sad smile, though he left the disguise as it was. He had no intention of changing that. Not yet. Even so, he knew that Rodessa understood who it was without him needing to. She always was clever that way*

‘Beauty’: What...why? Hue-

*Resting a finger against her lips to cut off her words, Huxian shook his head, unable to keep the melancholy from his tone as he spoke*

‘Stranger’: Shhhh...I am but a noble, a lover until the sun rises. Nothing more...nothing more…

*Brushing her cheek with a hand, Huxian leaned closer, giving her the change to move away or push him back if she wished to refuse. However, there was no refusal in her as she pulled him closer, lips parting in welcome as their mouths connected, eyes slipping closed. Even so, he could feel her trembling under him, making him open his eyes. His heart twisted as he noticed the furrow of her brow, the stream of tears. A hollow ache in his chest, he pulled away, eyes lowered as he took a shaky breath, glancing back as Rodessa brushed away her tears. Unconsciously he reached over, gently stroking a hand over her head before easing her close into an embrace*

‘Stranger’: *quietly soothing* I’m not here to cause you more pain...you have my word on that. I just...wanted to see you again.

*Rodessa’s gaze slid away from him, silently. She wanted to speak, to say something to him, but the words wouldn’t come. In the end, she could only stare back at him, helplessly silent. With a shaky breath, Huxian spoke instead*

‘Stranger’: Tell me...how long has it been…? How long do we have...until the sands run out?

‘Beauty’: It’s been almost a month...You have two more nights. But you could just tell me no-

‘Stranger’: *Closed eyes, brow knitted* No. No, Roza...Please...two nights...then my answer is yours. But I can’t right now.

*His hand moved to his jacket, resting over where the letter was kept, his voice somehow quieting*

‘Stranger’: ...Honestly, I had no intention of giving you this right now...but I...Perhaps it’s for the best. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. You’re far too precious to me.

*The crease between Rodessa’s brow deepened as she watched him draw out the letter fro his pocket, the room a near deathly silent but for the faint crackle of paper. Slowly, he presented it to her, but Rodessa made no move to take it. Taking her hand, Huxian met her eyes with his own aching ones*

‘Stranger’: Please, my lady...read it.

*Pressing the envelope into her hand, he closed her fingers over the edge as he leaned closer, pressing his lips to her knitted brow. A moment later and he was gone, leaving Rodessa alone in the room clutching his letter in her hand.

It felt more as if she held her own death sentence than a letter.

Her gaze lingered on the envelope. It was nothing too different from any other letter if one ignored his seal keeping it closed, but that single envelope contained something that could change everything for them both - could change their relationship forever. That thought alone was terrifying. However...it was better to read it than linger, like ripping off a band-aid, better a sharp sting than waiting for the inevitable. Even if it was him putting her out of her misery.

With trembling fingers, she split the seal and opened the envelope, drawing the letter from inside. Her eyes danced across the pages, her heart racing like a bird’s, almost taking flight with each turn of the page until the end.

Letter slipping from her hands, Rodessa snatched up her mask and bolted from the room. He couldn’t have gone far, could he?

Picking up the hem of her dress she sprinted down the stairs, using her gift as she searched for him, for any hit of his presence, frantic*

‘Beauty’ [Inner Thoughts]: Hue! Where are you?! WHERE ARE YOU!?!

*As she searched, she could still feel the words from the page broaring into her mind*

Letter:

To my dear Rodessa,

I had for some time been thinking how to begin this. I thought perhaps I should begin with how much you mean to me, how you have changed my world since I have come to know you. Yet somehow, it didn’t feel right. To begin in such a flowery fashion made the rest of what I wished to say feel...disingenuous. So instead of superficial flattery, I believe it is best that I be forward with you and speak from my heart.

My love, please, all I ask of you is to read this until its end. And only once you have read everything, make your own choice as to where your mind and heart lie. Because, by the time you have read this letter, you will know the truth. The truth about how I feel about you, about us...and about her. While perhaps you may feel it cowardly that it must be through a letter than in person, I found that I have always found it difficult to find the words I wished to say. For this, I do not want misunderstandings. I want you to know. I want you to know everything. And I want you to be able to understand without my foolish fumblings. By writing them out in such a way, I can put my feelings into words. No matter the outcome, I want you, more than anyone, to know the truth.

It is true that two people have always held my heart - Lihua and, of course, yourself. A love of the past and of the present, respectively. However, my reasons and feelings for both differ greatly. For Lihua, she managed to save my soul from the darkness of my own making, at the cost of shattering my heart. My feelings for her are forever tainted in regret. Once, you asked me about if I would have wished for her to return. However, I believe that if I did, it would only be to right a great wrong, to fix my own mistakes. However, it would only be that - a fix to the mistake of a life being lost that, indirectly or not, was caused by my own hand.

It is quite different from the way I think of you. You managed to find the broken, wreck of a man that was left, and you managed to piece together my shattered self, no matter how grateful I seemed, no matter how much the shards cut into yourself, you piece me back together, and nursed my heart until it beat once again. In you, I never saw a person I was responsible for, who I needed to protect yet failed. In you, I saw someone who could stand with me, who could protect me as I tried to protect you. You became more than a confident. You became a partner, one who I could trust even the darkened cracked sides of myself.

If Lihua was a desire to correct a mistake, in you I desire to see you at my side. I desire a future with you right alongside me.

Perhaps you find this strange. For the longest time, my guilt, the trauma of what happened and my fears of it coming to pass yet again caused me to shy away. My fears of losing someone so intrinsic to myself, the glue that holds me together, caused me to cower from acting upon those feelings, lest I be shattered irreparably by the loss. Stained by my fears, my guilt and the self hate at my failures, I had been convinced that I was unworthy of you. Strange, isn’t it? That I can seem so very confident in everything but this, yet I am well aware of the darkness within me, no matter how much I knew your feelings were worth far more than my ugly doubts. What’s more, even though I tried to stay away to protect you, I only hurt us both. By the time I tried to shy away, it was already too late for that - my heart was already in your hands. Even if I continued to try to push away, should I have succeeded, or you were otherwise gone (the mere thought of you not existing feels like ice in my chest), I am unsure that I could continue existing.

You, Rodessa, are the one that shelters my battered heart, and you keep it from being lost to the abyss. The only future I have has you within it. You are the balance in my life. I think, perhaps throughout my whole existence, you were the one that I needed all along.

I know that sometimes, I appear emotionally...unavailable. I can understand why you feel that I long for a ghost. A part of me can never truly forget Lihua, but not, perhaps, in the way you might believe. The person I am now was shaped because of her actions and her sacrifice. Without her, I would have lost my conscience, what little I had remaining back then. Through her, I relearned compassion, Through her, I remembered the things that I know you love about me. If it weren’t for that, no matter how horrible the experience, no matter how much it once broke me, you might have despised me, my love, that despicable person lost in rage and hate. I would have been a true demon. Perhaps even one you would have been compelled to try to end. Because of that, I cannot forget about Lihua. To forget Lihua, to forget what she did, it would be like throwing her sacrifice to the ground and spitting on it. I can never, should never, forget her, even if I may one day finally be able to shed the cloak of grief and guilt and step into the future.

However, I know it’s cruel of me to expect you to wait for me. I cannot be selfish enough to expect you to put your entire life on hold to cater to old hurts. Even so, if I am to move passed what happened and to be the man you can be proud of, the man you deserve, that can be devoted to you and not split between you and a ghost, It isn’t something that can be rushed. It’s not fair to you. It’s as you’ve said, one cannot compete with a ghost. And I don’t want you to. If I have that time, what I need to be able to make peace with what happened, then what had kept me separated behind that clear titanium wall will no longer hold me back. My heart will be yours with no contest. That way, neither of us will be hurt just staying at each other’s side and both of us can look to a brighter future without being stabbed in the back by the ghosts of the past.

I know that the cliche states that one should speak those ‘three little words’, but honestly, saying them would likely cheapen everything I have said before this. As I previously mentioned, adding such flowers to a letter such as this might dampen the sincerity. As such, I will refrain from saying them. Instead of the words that anyone can say, I want to tell you something I mean from the bottom of my heart.

Rodessa, even if it takes a little time for me to finally forgive myself of my failures, I will still be there for you, whenever you need me. Because even if I’ve held myself back, tried to lock myself away, I still care for you. You have helped to save me from myself. You were the light in my darkness and no matter what, I will forever hold you above any other person living. You are so very precious to me and I hope that I can, one day, show you just how much. No matter what, I want to stay by your side, because you are the home my fractured heart has found sanctuary.

These are the feelings that I have. This is the utmost truth which I have, for so long, been unable to put into spoken word. With this, now you know. Even if your choice is, in the end, to walk away, know that I will still be your friend, and I will still be there for you, whenever you may need me, for no matter what, you still give this life of mine meaning. I can only hope to offer even a sliver of the light you have given to me.

With that, you are free to choose.

Forever yours,

Yin Huxian

‘Beauty’ [Inner Thought]: *Verge of Tears* Idiot! Moron! If I had known…. Hue, where are you! If you felt that way then why…? If you told me earlier…shown me this earlier. I was impatient, I know, but… Hue….we can’t end it like this, right? I still have a chance, right? Right? You’re not done yet! Let me hear the last part from you. Please, my love.

[END]