Huxian [Inner Thoughts]: People constantly keep bringing up Rodessa recently. Father...Venus...even Parame, to the point that my dreams are affected...but...what is the right course of action here? Especially when I’m also being reminded of a lack of time...but Parame has already said that there are things set in stone that need to happen. In this case, with them all trying to influence me, this...lack of time, too, must be set in stone. But...is it because all I get close to suffer that they want me to….rethink my decision, so the event could happen? Or are we both being set up to fail? To both suffer like some old Greek tragedy? Or….is it that….things could change?
*Groaning, Huxian pawed over the pillow before ducking his head under it, wanting to blot out the world a little longer*
Huxian: [Inner Thoughts]: I...I need to concentrate. I really shouldn’t be focusing on my selfish wants...even if...even if it’s been...nice...to see it all again...like she was back then. My light...
Venus: No, what you need is the girl, bastard.
*Wait, when had Venus entered the room? Unfortunately, before he could open his eyes or even move to find out, it felt as though someone had thumped him on the head and everything became disorientated, warped. How hard had she hit him?
With a snarl of irritation at the goddess, he wrenched back the blankets, ready to bark and - wait, when did he turn back into human form? He could only stare at his hands, stunned, until realisation crashed down on him. The hit hadn’t been a actual hit but instead….Oh...oh no...he was having that dream again.
Biting back a whine that would have been more fitting for his natural form than human, he buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing her again so soon. Not when lives were at stake. Not when he needed to concentrate.
Huxian [Inner Thought]: Please, don’t be in. Don’t be in, don’t be in, don’t be in! I’m not ready to see her right now. Please, gods, Venus, anyone, let her be out!
*The click of a door handle broke into his thoughts and he whipped his hands from his face, wide eyed as the door opened with barely a squeak, steam pouring out of the room as the sound of bear feet padded against tiled floor grew closer before (Huxian’s heart sunk) Rodessa stepped into the room. She was obviously not expecting visitors - she was barely dressed and what she was wearing was far too transparent, short and form fitting as the fabric stuck to her damp frame to be suitable in public, tied around the waist so loosely it bordered on scandalous. Her hair was damp, glistening in the morning light, obviously fresh from the shower. She had yet to notice him. Huxian wanted to sink into the floor, almost despairing*
Huxian: I’m I being tested? Gods, why must-
Rodessa: Oh! You’re back! I must be dreaming again, huh?
Huxian: *Shock* .....
*The girl’s eyes were almost nostalgic, the way she gazed at him, a ghostly reminder of what was once there. It was as if someone had picked up a knife and stabbed him in the chest. He couldn’t bear to look at her and feel the pain as she glided closer, tearing her eyes away before the knife could twist that little bit more*
Rodessa: *Chuckle* Hue, what’s the matter? You look lethargic. Want me to make you feel better?
*Huxian flinched as she stepped closer, squeezing his eyes shut*
Huxian: *Grit Teeth* D-Don’t…
Huxian [inner thought]: Please, please don’t! Don’t come over here! Don’t make me yearn for- Tch! Don’t touch me! Dont!
*But even as he mentally begged, the girl climbed the bed, her fingers reaching out to him-*
SFX: SMAAAACK!!!!
*Both parties eyes widened, staring in a mix of shock and horror as the girl gripped her own hand, a sharp pain ringing through it. Huxian was utterly frozen as she scooted from the bed, trying to hide a wince as she grabbed a towel , trying her hair, her back to him, the towel over her head helping to hide the moment of weakness, her eyes burning with unshed tears, even as behind her, Huxian had pulled back, staring at his own hands as if they were foreign and somehow betrayed him*
Huxian: *Slightly Shaken* S-Sorr-
Rodessa: *Eyes Down Cast* Don’t…. Just...don’t…. Even in my dreams you’re…. *Sigh* Don't worry, I won't touch you again. I don't know what’s got you all shaken, but don't take it out on me and dont keep it all to yourself. We’re…. Partners after all.
*That word stung a little, his whole body shuddering, wanting to just curl up and howl mournfully. He didn’t want this. This was why he didn’t want this to happen. However, words felt like ash in his mouth. He could only stare down at his lip where his fingers were holding onto the blankets in a white knuckled grip.*
Huxian: ……
Rodessa: For now, get some rest. You look like dog shit. If you need anything, ask. I’m gonna do some work…
*Breath shuddering, Huxian slumped, half curling on himself as he shakilly ran his fingers through his hair, resisting the urge to twist his fingers in his locks and pull. He could still feel his hand tingle, stinging from where his hand had connected against hers, making him feel sick with himself. Unbidden, he glanced up through his hair to where Rodessa had moved. The morning light streaming through the window painted her in silhouette. It was almost like visual poetry for the whole damned situation, looking at her shadow through a fragmented window.*
SFX: *Quiet Sniff*
*His heart, if it could, sunk even lower. He could smell the salty tears flowing from the girl, even though her back was to him, her fingers furiously typing at the keyboard as if in an attempt to drown out the sound of her quiet crying. The scent was strong enough he could practically taste it and he felt his heart fracture that little bit more. Damn it, how could it turn out this way?
Unfortunately, he didn’t have any time to ponder on their situation - the room seemed to shift, like a computer stuttering or reality itself glitching. Was it a hint that the dream was already beginning to end? Was he already going back? No, not quite, it felt almost like a layer was disappearing, plunging further in.*
Rodessa: -Well, if you’re going to be like that, then go! Hue, say it. Just say it… you said you-
Huxian: You’re being childish, unreasonable! I just…
Rodessa: You’ve been like this ever since you went back! I… I can’t compete with someone who’s no longer here… it’s like you’re not even looking at me…
Huxian: .....
Rodessa: I… I guess I wasn't enough, huh….?
Huxian: That’s not it! I…just need time….
*She took off the ring, gently placing it down on the glass table, turning away. He could taste it again… again? The salty liquid that flowed from her.*
Rodessa: *Formal Tone* I’m going back to my grandparents. I’m going to finish what I started, and I don't wish to see you there…. I’ll be detected if I do. While we're apart, sort yourself out. Think long and hard about what you want.
After all, you owe it to us both, right?
*She wiped her tears, turned around giving him a loving smile*
And, if I turn out to be the girl you wake up with… give that back to me… but if I turn out the be the girl you sleep with, lets formally end it here.
Huxian: Ro…
Rodessa: Please, Hue. Think long and hard about it. I can't pretend I don't see your soul calling for her any more. And I can't pretend I’m ok with being a substitute, I thought I was going to be ok with it. If I occupied a large enough space in your mind…. in heart, you would eventually… *Tears welling*
*He quickly walked over to the girl, holding her close, so tight it was hard to breath.*
Huxian: Roza! I never, ever thought of you as thought of you as a… I… I…
Rodessa: It hurts, Hue… all of it, and-
*The room seemed to overlay, another familiar setting came through. He closed his eyes once more and when he opened them...*
Rozyus: I’m tired, this, us…. All of it. Its exhausting, Inari…I can't keep up. I can't fly as high as you, nor can I run to keep up with her… I already hate myself for playing the fool, and before I end up hating you… we should just-
Inari: No! Rozy, no. I don’t truly understand what you mean by any of this, but...Whatever it is you’re thinking, I assure you, that is not it. I promise.
*The youth pulled back a bit, however. Worried, Inari’s noble features wrinkled slightly. A little more carefully - had they scared him? - they leaned in to kiss their partner, only to be pushed away once more. Their chest ache, not just for the rejection of their lover, but from the oddly fragile look in his eye and if they could stop any further fractures in that case, they would, even if it hurt, even if it felt like accepting defeat, if only for a moment. With a shuddering sigh, they dropped their head to the boy's shoulder, wanting to at least offer some form of comfort. They could feel him clutch at their robes, if only for a moment, as if bracing themselves, before he shoved the god away. It felt almost like their heart had torn*
Inari: Rozie, I-
Female Voice: Lord Inari! There you are. What’s with all the noise… Oh. Am I-
Rozyus: No! No… I was just leaving.
*Shaking, the boy flower-walked away, leaving Inari staring at the petals left behind, their brow steadily furrowing further as they realised what the boy had slipped into their hand. Hoping that he was wrong, he turned his fist palm up and opened it. There, sitting on their palm was a familiar simplistic yet beautifully carved ring. they could only stare it it, the room around them feeling like white noise even as finally, slowly, he curled his fingers over it once again, tucking it away into their robes’ breast pocket, even when it felt as though their heart was shattering like broken glass.
Female Voice: -Nari? heavens to Lord Inari?!!! Come on, we need to get going. The meeting is about to start.
*even now, it felt as if they were hearing everything from a great distance*
Inari: Oh…Yes.
Female Voice: Jeez, keep it together.
Inari: ...My apologies....
[END]
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